A New Initiative

I have to admit that I spent some time thinking about this, wondering if it were just comedy or whether it might actually work. The more I pondered the issue the more I came to believe it just might work. Just what is “it”?

Call it the “Some Asshole Initiative.”

What is the initiative? To paraphrase the source (linked above), it is means by which we diminish, if not eliminate glorifying someone when they kill a bunch of people. This makes sense considering what we've seen after mass shootings – the shooter's name on every TV, radio, and other media outlet. The schmuck becomes a notorious celebrity, with the level of that celebrity being dependent upon how many people he/she snuffed before being stopped. (I am making sure we don't ignore the female contingent of the human race, seeing as they make up over 50% of the population.) The name the media blasts across the airwaves almost always includes the middle name even if no one had ever used it before this miscreant committed their crime. They get their so-called 15 minutes of fame even if it lasts for much more than 15 minutes.

So how does this initiative work? It's simple, really.

Al we do is make sure none of these jokers are ever mentioned by name in the media. We strip them of their identity and hence their infamy because no one will really know who committed the heinous crime until after all the brouhaha has faded away. He/she will only be referred to as “some asshole.” There will be no mention of their name, gender, race, religious or political affiliation, national origin, or favorite sports team (if any). There would be no mention of the miscreant's family, upbringing, hometown, no pictures, no interview with friends or family.

Let's use a recent event to illustrate how this would work, in this case the killing of two TV journalists on live TV. It would go something like this:

Viewers of WDBJ, a small CBS affiliate in Moneta, Virginia, watched in horror this morning as Vester Lee Flanigan II some asshole shot dead 24-year-old reporter Alison Parker and cameraman Adam Ward, 27, on live TV as the two were filming a light-hearted segment at 6:45am.

After carrying out the shocking on-air execution, Flanigan the asshole rented a car at the airport and then started driving east.

Police finally cornered Flanigan the asshole just before noon, about three hours northeast, in Fauquier County, Virginia, but he refused to stop and sped away from troopers.

Flanigan The asshole then crashed the car off the road and when police surrounded the vehicle, they found him suffering from a life-threatening gunshot wound.

See? Isn't that much better? No one would know who he was until after everything had calmed down a few days later. There would be no hand wringing over the murdering wacko nutcase. Any focus would be on the victims and the perpetrator would be relegated to anonymity until well after the media frenzy faded away, just as it should be.