New Year’s Resolutions
Taking a lead from Mike over at Cold Fury, I’ve decided to post a list of my own for the new year…
1. I will endeavor to be more entertaining in general and more lucid in my political rants. Even I bore me sometimes.
2. I’ll be a quieter neighbor - I won’t use unsilenced weapons when dispatching those so richly deserving of being removed from the gene pool.
3. I will be less intimidating to members of the opposite sex in general…and more intimidating to everyone else, particularly politicians and those who have the mistaken belief that they know what’s good for me better than I do. No more Mister Nice Guy!
4. I will be more ecologically aware – I will grind my victims’ bodies into a fine meal and spread it around the forests, thereby returning nutrients to the soil and spurring better growth of forest plants. It will be a far better thing for them than taking up space better used by others.
5. I will stifle the urge to strangle damfoolidjits if it is their first offense. After that, it’s open season on ‘em.
6. I will help the anti-nuclear power protesters see the error of their ways, even if it means forcing them to live in unheated caves over the winter, dining on nothing but pemmican, tree bark, and the occasional bit of venison jerky. I might even let them wear something from L.L. Bean or Land’s End, but nothing with polar fleece.
7. I will help the ‘peace-at-any-cost’ lefties get a first hand look at life under a brutal dictatorship, where they will not have the right to free speech, cable TV, double mocha decaf cappuccino, bottled Poland Springs water, nor be allowed to sing the blues.
8. I will help those same lefties realize that all cultures do not have an equal right to exist. Some are just too fucking evil and want nothing more than to see the rest of us dead.
9. I want to win the PowerBall jackpot, dammit!
10. I want to meet Vicky and Matt.
11. And I want to meet Dawn Olsen, too!
12. I want to win the PowerBall jackpot, dammit! (Oh, wait. I already said that, didn’t I? Well, it can’t hurt to list it twice, can it?)
13. I shall endeavor to move this blog off of Blogger and retrieve our here-again-gone-again archives.
14. I want to be able to fit into a size 8. Something with a nice plunging neckline and some nice new heels to go with it….uh.…oops. Umm, wrong list…..
15. And I still want to win the PowerBall jackpot, dammit!