As Fred Reed writes about this latest social non-problem (for that's what it is):
Any girl who feels “unsafe” on reading classical poetry belongs in an asylum (some would argue that at Columbia she already is) or else she is engaging in forever-thirteen passive-aggressive rebellion against professors confused with her father. She obviously has no interest in Ovid.Is it any wonder that some college professors have been modifying their curriculum in order to help shield these weaklings from the realities of life? Some have done so to prevent even the possibility they'll be brought up on unspecified charges by one of these...these...people because they heard something that didn't fit in with their twisted and wholly unrealistic view about life and they felt offended.
"Oh...oh ...Ovid said rape two thousand years ago and I feel so...so unsafe!" Poor widdle fings. I assume that real women laugh.
It is easy to parody these twits--I choose my vowel carefully--but they represent a class whose rule does not bode well for the country--helpless, self-absorbed, sheltered--aye, there's the worst of it--and desirous of forcing their values on everyone else.
Were I a professor at one of these institutions that used to provide higher education rather than coddling these self-made 'victims', this is the what I would say to them on their very first day in my class:
“Welcome to Real Life 101. I am Professor Pundit and I'm going to tell you right now that I don't believe in trigger warnings.”So endith the lesson.
“You will be hearing and seeing things you should have been exposed to earlier in life, but that your misguided and ignorant parents chose to shield you from, meaning you arrived here unprepared to deal with life as it is.”
“I also expect that a good portion of you were told all through school that you were special and never had to worry about losing because 'everyone gets a trophy for just showing up'. Unfortunately you were lied to because very few of you, if any, are special. Instead, you're average. No, strike that. You're below average because you have no idea what it's like to fail. When you do you'll have no idea how to deal with it and you'll fall apart. You aren't prepared for failure and that's one of the biggest failings of your parents and teachers.”
“One of the first things I'm going to teach you is this one solid and perpetual truth: Life isn't fair. It never has been and it never will be. Get used to it. If you can't handle this, then I strongly suggest you drop this course and salve your wounded psyche by taking Basket Weaving 100 or Bunny Hugging 110 and leave real life to the rest of us.”
“I intend to flush out all of the crap that has been force fed to you over the previous 12 years of your scholastic life and teach you how to think, not what to think. I will help you develop the skills you need to survive out there in the real world where there will be no trigger warnings, no safe spaces, no college tribunals to take your side because you were offended by what someone said, wrote, or did that everyone else in the world sees as trivial and not worth mentioning.”
“I am going to shove reality in your face. I'm not going to sugar coat it or make it easy for you to coast through this course. I'm going to show you that not everyone can be reasoned with. I'm going to prove to you that there are people out there who don't give a good goddamn about you or your feelings, nor should they. I'm going to show you that there are evil fucking people out there who wouldn't think twice about raping you and then slicing your head off with a knife because it pleases them to do so to someone they see as sub-human. (Yes, this means you, Miss Sorority Pledge.)”
“I'm going to prove to you that the only person you can count on is you when you're out there in the real world. Your mommy or daddy won't be able to bail you out and none of the teachers from your schools will lend you a helping hand once you leave this place. You'll be on your own. If you fail to learn these lessons and the others I hope to teach you, then you will be truly and totally fucked. The only way you'll survive is to move back in with your mommy and daddy and live in their basement. At worst, you'll be curled up on your bed down there, stuck in a semi-catatonic state because you were set up by your parents and your teachers to fail, being totally incapable of dealing with real life as it is, not as you want it to be.”
“Any questions before we begin? No? Good. Then let's get started....”