The post and article delve into the ‘Rise of Lonely, Single Men’ and the problems that go with it. There are almost 800 comments to the Instapundit post as I write this, some from men who fit the ‘lonely, single’ man profile, others from men and women who offer their observations (and criticisms) of the linked Psychology Today article, and yet others from older men who are, for the most part, past the age where the problems outlined directly affect them but can offer insight into the problems, and more importantly the causes.
I found the PT article to be incomplete and, quite frankly, trite. It seemed more like like a collection of platitudes and more than a few direct “It’s all men’s fault they’re alone and lonely and they need to step up” claims. The article ignores the other side, that being that too many single women have unrealistic expectations that very few, if any men could possible meet.
This is a major disconnect on both sides.
From the PT article:
Younger and middle-aged men are the loneliest they’ve ever been in generations, and it’s probably going to get worse.I have questions about the first and third bullet points, that being “Who has set the rising relationship standards and expectations men are expected to meet?” This brings on a follow-on question: What relationship standards and expectations are women expected to meet? It isn’t a one-sided problem, but the article implies that it is. That does not help solve the problem.
This is not my typical rosy view of relationships but a reality nonetheless. Over the last 30 years, men have become a larger portion of that growing group of long-term single people. And while you don’t actually need to be in a relationship to be happy, men typically are happier and healthier when partnered.
Here are three broad trends in the relationship landscape that suggest heterosexual men are in for a rough road ahead:
● Dating opportunities for heterosexual men are diminishing as relationship standards rise.
● Men represent approximately 62% of dating app users, lowering their chances for matches.
● Men need to address skills deficits to meet healthier relationship expectations.
A number of comments to the Instapundit post delve into the issue that the PT article glossed over.
Writes one commenter:
“They prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values.”That doesn’t mean the husband and wife won’t split household chores 50-50, but I have seen more than a few women state on various YouTube, Rumble, or TikTok videos that they won’t do household chores, won’t cook, won’t do laundry. They expect their husbands to do them or to hire staff to deal with it. What is the percentage of women who actually have that attitude? I don’t know, but it wouldn’t surprise me it to find that a majority of the women feeling this way live in urban areas.
No they don’t. Such men do not command respect from women and such marriages tend to end in divorce.
What the fool writer is saying is that women want to have all the benefits of marriage without fulfilling the role of a wife.
Many women today are incapable of being a good wife.
Another commenter brought up something else the PT article ignores, specifically Dr. Helen Smith’s book Men On Strike, a tome written 9 years ago that delves into the reasons why men weren’t getting involved with dating, marriage, and fatherhood. What’s telling is that the issues Dr. Smith brought up back then haven’t changed. To think the issues brought up by Helen Smith aren’t still a factor today would be naive.
Another commenter broke down the statistics of online dating, based upon a study on dating apps like Tinder:
For the dating apps like Tinder, there was a study on likes that went the following (assuming a 70-30 male-female ratio [as] noted [elsewhere]...):This does not bode well for those men who want to date, want to get married. Then again, dating apps like Tinder, Match.com, and others aren’t really dating apps, but more like ‘hook up’ apps. The profiles are short on information and matches are based more on looks than the personalities of the people using the apps. This also ties in with the second bullet point in the PT article, that being that 62% of the users of dating apps are men. This means their odds are even worse.
Picture 1000 users:
The top 10% of men get 50% of the women (70 men choose from 150 of the women)
The top 20% of men get 80% of the women (140 men choose from 240 women)
The top 50% of men get 95% of women (350 men choose from 285 women -- and the men in the 20%-50% "normie" range end up with the dregs already!)
Meaning the "below average" men (bottom 50%) get the BOTTOM FIVE PERCENT of women -- 350 men fight over a mere fifteen women, and they are the most likely the worst of the bunch.
Any wonder why dating apps are a complete joke? If likes were like water, men would die of thirst while women would die drowning in a flood.
This isn’t a “Men are all…” or “Women are all…” issue. Society has changed over the past 50 years, with rapid changes over the past 20 years regarding relationships, specifically dating and marriage. One other thing that changed during that time has been the Internet, creation of dating apps, and the rise of radical feminism. There are more single-parent families. Divorces have skyrocketed, with 70 to 80% of divorces filed by women. (Some of this seems to be driven by the “grass is always greener” principle, something too many find out is not the case after it’s too late.) Broken families are the norm, not the exception. Fathers are not part of many children’s lives, not because they don’t want to be, but because they are prevented from doing so by family courts. It’s only getting worse...and some people are trying hard to make sure that continues.
Thus endith my incomplete, somewhat disjointed, semi-rant...for now.