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Once you've made the move to your new town, don't feel bashful about introducing yourselves to your neighbors, assuming they haven't already introduced themselves while they helped you unload the moving van. (This may or may not happen only because if your new place is ‘far off the beaten path’ your neighbors may not know you’ve moved in. Then again, in a small town everyone knows what’s going on.)
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Make the acquaintance of the Town Clerk, Tax Collector (many times it's the same person), the Police Chief, the Fire Chief, and at least one of the Selectman (or Town Councilor, depending upon the form of town government). This helps grease the skids and let's them know you're not too snooty to mingle with the locals.
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Go to the dump. Many small towns have no garbage pickup and it's up to you to haul you're own trash to the dump/transfer station/etc. Don't hire someone else to do it for you because people will think two things – you're too damn lazy or snobbish to do it yourself; and you really aren't interested in town politics/social activities/etc. The one thing you have to realize is that in many small towns 90% of all town business is conducted at the dump, not the weekly Selectman's or Budget Committee meeting. If you want to find out what's going on in town, the dump is the place to go.
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Read the weekly local paper. This is another place to find out when and where some of the social activities will be taking place. Also take close note of the Want Ads. You'll be amazed at some of the stuff you'll find there and can save yourself a bundle of cash when you're looking for that extra refrigerator or freezer or lawn mower or whatever.
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Go to Town Meeting. This is very important. It only happens once a year so there's no excuse for not attending. Town meeting allows you to socialize as well as help decide what the town will spend in the coming year. Your first one or two years you should just listen and observe how things are done. If you can, latch on to somebody who can explain the whole thing to you. This will drastically shorten the learning curve.
Also, read the Town Report, usually, but not always, mailed out to everyone in town well before town meeting. If not mailed out, it will be available at Town Hall and a number of other locations around town as well as prior to Town Meeting. This gives you an idea of what the townspeople voted for and against the previous year as well as a list of what folks will be voting on this year.
And one last thing when it comes to town meeting: Never ever preface a statement with the phrase “Back where I/we come from....” This is the kiss of death for a newcomer. People in your new town don't care about where you came from, at least not during a debate over some warrant article. You're here now. If you insist on this kind of social suicide, be prepared to be immediately branded a “Flatlander” and never taken seriously again. (Note: There is only one exception to this rule – The phrase might be safely used if what you're going to say is going to be used as an example of why the town shouldn't vote for something. “Back where I come from, they tried this and it was an utter disaster. It cost the town a ton of money to fix and raised taxes. Do you really want to do the same thing?”)
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Find out which place serves the best breakfasts, then go there. Lots of people will dine out on Saturday or Sunday mornings. Ask them what place they'd recommend. You can make good contacts while schmoozing with the waitresses, cooks, or other patrons.
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Use local contractors. Never mind that fancy construction firm, plumber, or electrician you've done business with in the past. Ask around and find somebody local. You'll find that they're just as good as the ones 'back home' and they'll probably cost less, too. They'll also be willing to come right out in an emergency. Sometimes the best places to ask is at that diner where you now have breakfast on Saturday mornings, at town hall, the dump (or these days, the transfer station), the town DPW, or at the fire station. They'll know who's good and who to avoid.
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If you're sending your kids to the local school, make sure you get involved with the school activities, and particularly the PTA or PTO. Get to know your kid's teachers. See them more often than just during parent-teacher conferences. Go to school board meetings and the annual school district meeting. Ask questions, particularly about issues that don’t make sense or seem ‘too good to be true’. All of this has an effect on the quality of your kids’ education as well as your wallet.
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Get rid of the Lexus/BMW/Mercedes/Jaguar/Porsche and get a more practical vehicle. Or if you're going to keep it, use it only when traveling long distance or on special occasions. SUVs are OK to a point (no Cadillac Escalade or Lincoln Navigator and the like), but pickup trucks are better. (It also makes it easier to haul your trash to the dump). A 4X4 pickup is even better, particularly during the winter as well as mud season. Make sure your ‘new’ SUV or pickup has the appropriate trailer hitch.
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Food (particularly baked goods) is always appreciated at the local firehouse, police station, town highway department, and town hall.
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Bean suppers and pancake breakfasts are a mainstay of country living, whether they're put on by church groups, volunteer fire departments, or organizations like the Elks, the Masons, Odd Fellows, the Knights of Columbus, or others. They are good places to meet other townspeople, get a decent meal, and support community charities or civic associations. It's what's called 'networking', only you're doing it on a much more personal level.
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Patronize the farm stands and farmer’s markets. They have fresh produce and other products available from local sources covering everything from freshly picked fruits and vegetables, baked goods, honey, maple syrup, cider, dairy products (I like the ice cream and smoked cheeses I pick up from one of my favorite farm stands), eggs, meat, preserves, sauces, spices, and more. This supports local farms and producers and you get foods you won’t find on your local supermarket or convenience store shelves.
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The following is something that is usually seen in northern New England, but variations exist all throughout the countryside.
Be sure to attend Old Home Day. Here in New Hampshire most towns hold what is called Old Home Day, a celebration of the town by residents, past and present. Each one is different, with some being small and others more like a full-blown carnival, and the rest being somewhere in between.
The one in my home town falls in between the two extremes, starting with a parade during late morning. Our village field is the center of activities, with food vendors – commercial food trucks and volunteer organizations - offering all kinds of food, games and amusements for kids and adults, craft booths, music, and all other kinds of offerings. The town’s historical society is usually open, giving tours of the various historical buildings in the village. The local community church holds their fundraising ‘fair’ at the same time, with more food offerings and a so-called ‘White Elephant’ sale of items donated to the church, such items running the gamut of used books, DVDs, CDs, yard implements, serviceable furniture, cookware, plates and bowls and cups and water glasses, flatware, lamps, and all the way up to jewelry.
You will meet all kinds of people, get a chance to schmooze with your fellow townsfolk, enjoy some great food, pick up some great crafts and used items, and get to know your new home town and the people living there just that much better. You will also get a chance to watch some awesome fireworks that evening, at least at the end of our town’s Old Home Day.
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I hope this gives you a better idea of how to fit in should you make the decision to leave the Big City and move out to the country. I must remind you that what I have listed applies primarily to northern New England, but much of may also apply elsewhere. A caveat I am going to repeat as it will apply no matter where you move out in the country: Forget “back where we came from”. It doesn’t matter worth a damn. You are here now, so start acting like it.